


Empty Feeling

by SaltywithSarcasm



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Older Eren Yeager, Older Mikasa Ackerman, Porn With Plot, Season 4 Spoilers, eventual pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 03:36:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29503518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaltywithSarcasm/pseuds/SaltywithSarcasm
Summary: Ever since they found out about their enemies across the sea, he’s become someone else entirely, a empty shell of the boy she once knew but...she still loves him.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager
Comments: 22
Kudos: 66





	Empty Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever since they found out about their enemies across the sea, he’s become someone else entirely, a empty shell of the boy she once knew but...she still loves him.

Eren has been weighting heavy on her mind lately, the boy she grew up with has changed a lot over the years and not for the better; His intentions worry her and the others but she refuses to leave his side. She’s loved him longer than she can remember, still holds him close to her heart and would do anything to protect him. 

But Mikasa has no idea how to protect him from himself.

The woman catches herself chewing on her thumb nail and pulls her hand away, glancing down the hallway to her childhood friend’s room and lets out a breath of frustration.

His demeanor towards her was cold lately and the way he looks at her with dull eyes makes her heart ache, Eren seems so distant; No matter how hard she tries to get through to him, he seems to be out of her reach.

The Ackerman tsks under her breath, turning her gaze away from his door; It wouldn’t matter if she tried to speak with him, he would just avoid any topics that involves her concern and just give short, blunt answers after he changed the subject. 

Ever since they found out about their enemies across the sea, he’s become someone else entirely, a empty shell of the boy she once knew but...she still loves him. Eren’s changed but she still loves him with every fiber of her being and she can’t bring herself to turn her back on him, not even after what he did to the civilians in Marley.

He wants to end the war, end all the suffering but the memory of what took place there still haunts her. Did it have to be this way? How much blood must be shed so they can finally be free? 

As Mikasa turns to leave, wanting nothing more than to retired to her room and be left alone to her thoughts, the sound of a door creaking open stops her in her tracks. She pauses to listen, slowly turning her head to look over her shoulder and sees Eren standing outside his bedroom door.

“...Eren...”

“Have you been standing out here for very long?” He asks, scratching his messy hair as he stares back at her; He looks tired from the looks of those bags under his eyes. 

“Not very long.” Mikasa replies, her face held no emotion while she spoke but internationally, she was aching to embrace the man in front of her. “Have you slept?”

Eren doesn’t respond right away, turning his attention to the floor beneath them as if it held the answer he was looking for.

“I’ve been thinking.” He mutters, pulling his hand away from his hair as he meets her eyes again. “Took many thoughts running through my head, I can’t...”

Mikasa turns to face him, brows furrowing with concern; Then for a split second, she could see through that facade of his and her heart flutters with a hope. 

“...Eren...” Could she reach him now? 

“When this is all over, you should settle down and start a family.” He tells her randomly, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. 

“You are my family, Eren.” Mikasa replies, worried he was expecting not to survive this and wants her to move on without him. “There’s no family without you.”

“You know I’m not expected to live much longer, I’ve only got a few more years left.” Eren explains, leaning the door frame as he reaches up to twirl his hair and stares down at her feet. “So you should find a nice man and-“

“If I ever considered it, the only man I’d want to start a family with is you.” She replies bluntly, tired of beating around the bush and decides to get straight to the point; He lifts his head quickly. Eren’s face doesn’t look so emotionless at the moment, staring back at her with wide eyes and parted lips in surprise. “Without you, there’s no point.”

“I only have a few years left to live, you should find someone who will be there for you and your children.” Eren points out but Mikasa shakes her head and steps closer, hoping the other wouldn’t just push her away. 

“No, I’ve loved you for so long, I wouldn’t know how to love somebody else the same way.” She wants to be closer to him but she’s afraid if she moves too quickly, that the man would retreat to his room and slam the door in her face so she slowly approaches him like a skittish animal that’s backed into a corner. “It can only be you.”

Eren doesn’t respond, just watching her as she slowly comes closer like he’s processing her words and studying her expression to see if their truth to them. 

“You’ve became so distant lately, Armin and I are worried about you.” She says, stopping a few inches from him and offers her hand in hopes he’d take it. She just wants to be close to him again, to hug the pain from his heart and comfort his worries away but he’s been keeping her at arm length. His green eyes glances down to her extended hand, still saying nothing but he pulls his hand from his jacket pocket and slowly reaches up for her. 

For a moment, she thought he would smack her hand away and leave her there alone in the hallway but instead, he takes her hand with a gentle touch she hadn’t felt in a very long time, rubbing the top of it tenderly with his thumb. His face was still lacks any expression but she feel his kindness through his touch, yearning to wrap her arms around him and pull him in a warm embrace. 

“Your concern is wasted on me.” His words shatter her worry and quickly replaces it with a bitter anger, gritting her teeth but doesn’t remove her hand from his. 

“Don’t say that, stop acting as if we’re strangers to one another.” Mikasa tells him firmly, frustration building and meets his eyes. “We grew up together, went through hell and back so don’t you dare act as if I have no reason to be worried about you, Eren.” 

Despite all her anger she felt in that moment, something in her head clicked; Isolating himself by pushing them away, wanting them to move on by having families of their own or not wanting them to be concerned about his well-being.

Eren doesn’t want them to mourn him when he’s gone.

Mikasa breathes in sharply through her nose, pulling her hand away from his in favor of grabbing him by the labels of his jacket and throws him back against the frame of the door.

“You selfish brat, you really think we could just move on without you?!” Mikasa snaps in his face, frustration building when the other doesn’t even seem to react to her anger. “Everything we went through, does that mean nothing to you!? Do we mean nothing to you?”

“Mikasa...” The Ackerman flinches when she feels his hands on her wrists but it doesn’t calm her, it angers her even more. 

“No, Eren; I’m tired of you pushing us away and running off without us. You, me and Armin are supposed to be in this together and you’re acting like we don’t mean shit to you.” Mikasa nearly shouts, slamming him against the doorframe again, he just stands there and lets her. “We’re your friends, we’re here for you no matter what but you’re just shutting us and the others out!”

She feels like she’s on the brink of crying, wanting to hit him across his head and yet hold him at the same time. 

“You betrayed the Survey Corps by going to Marley on your own, your team mates... Did you not trust us?” She asks, unable to look at him so she lowers her head. “Did you think we wouldn’t have your back?”

Mikasa’s grips on his jacket is shaky, half expecting him to just shove her away without a word. She wasn’t expecting him to let go of her wrists to wrap his arms around her and pull her against his broad chest as one of his hand slips it’s way into her hair and rests her head against his shoulder. 

Time stops for her at that moment, hearing his heart beat against her ear. She closes her eyes and letting the tears trickle down her cheeks, burying her face against his body. Wanting to pretend it was the way it used to be, them when they were younger and inseparable; For just this moment, she allows herself to be vulnerable. 

Mikasa feels Eren’s eyes on her, making her skin prickle with goosebumps before feeling him look down the hallway, suddenly feeling him walking her back into his room and closing the door behind them. She lifts her head, eyes filled with confusion as he held her closer and rests his head against hers.

“I’m sorry; It wasn’t my intent to to put you both through so much pain on my part.” He mutters into her hair, burying his face in it and hugs her tighter as if she would turn to dust if he’d let her go. “Mikasa, I just...didn’t want to put you two through anymore pain because of me.”

He pulls back to look at her face with a bitter expression.

“You and Armin are my closet friends; I couldn’t imagine making you go through having a child and me not being here for you both.” He explains, pulling his arms away and lets them fall down to his sides. “Would you want that child to grow up without a father?”

Mikasa tenses and looks away, her heart aching with the reminder that Eren didn’t have much time left.

“This world is so cruel, it’s not fair.” The woman curses under her breath, just loud enough for them both to hear it and reaches up to grab at her scarf. It’ll be the only thing left of him after he’s gone, a constant reminder of what they could’ve had. “Eren, if...this would have turned out differently, do you think we could have had a family?”

“I suppose we could have.” He answers softly.

“What am I supposed to do when you’re gone?” Mikasa asks, staring at his feet. “Without you, I’ll always feel like a part of me is missing.”

“Would having a baby fill that empty feeling?” Eren asks, sitting down on the edge of his bed; Green eyes watching her closely as she stand there in silence, not sure how to respond to him. “If that’s what you need to move on then I’m not against giving you one but you wouldn’t be able to continue working with the scouts.”

“Would you even be able to meet them?”

“I should be able to if we tried for one now.” Eren tells her. Mikasa’s face flushes at her friend’s offer, they hadn’t even had their first kiss and here Eren was offering to give her a child; It would make her incredibly happy if it weren’t for the circumstances. “It’s up to you though, this is a permanent decision and if you choose to do this; Hanji will have no choice to put you on leave, given you’re one of their best and without you, their team will be hindered.”

Mikasa didn’t know what to choose; Of course she would want to have a child with the man she loves and for him to be able to meet their child before his time comes to a end but Eren was right, without her, their team’s efforts are effected. 

Would she be selfish if she said yes? She’s already lost so much already, would she really be a terrible person for wanting something in return?

**Author's Note:**

> It’s really a double edge sword, should accept Eren’s offer and get something she truly wants or should she decline and stick with the survey corps?
> 
> Comments are appreciated!
> 
> SaltywithSarcasm.Tumblr.com
> 
> No, this had nothing to do with the Histora “pregnancy drama”. 
> 
> I was on episode 67, Assassin’s bullet when I wrote this.


End file.
